Been a long long time now

It's been a long long time now...i think 1 year since i post something here...haha.Now i just wanna have somewhere to write my stuff and let out my feelings.

Its been a long time since I have this feeling.A kind of possessive and doubting feeling.I doubt I will make a good boyfriend with this kind of feeling lingering around the girl I like.Is it due to insecurity that I have this feeling?Is it because I dun have any love exp before?Thats why I am having this feeling?Or is it just a childish way of thinking on my perception on what love is?

Recently its been a on off feeling.I try not to read too much about it.But it seems the more I control,the more disappointed I have become.So what should I really do...I mean it's that she is not my gf now.But I wanna know every movement of what she is doing...am I going way off possessive?or it's a sense of insecurity I have?

I do not even know how is she feeling towards me?Taking me as a normal friend?Or someone that can be somebody that is more than friends?I am just a idiot when it comes to love.They say persistence is the key to success.But is my persistence being more a nuisance than what it should be?

I really hope someone can come and give me specific advice.Seriously I am lost now although I dun seem to be when I dun show it out....anyway another advice given to me is be yourself...which I find very hard to be especially in front of her...my god~!why can't I have a normal and easy girl that I can be with?!?!?